Natural Hair Challenge: Bridesmaid Edition

I had never been a bridesmaid. I had been a hostess, food server, personal assistant and directress but never a bridesmaid…That is until the Summer of 2012. But this story starts a few months earlier in December. I get a phone call from one of my best friends saying that she is getting married in August. This news began a sequence of events that would result in not only her getting married but also my Grandfather in September and my little brother in October. And yes, as you guessed, all three asked me to be in their weddings. Anyone who has ever been a bridesmaid knows that it takes a lot of your time, resources and patience. I, who truly admired Katherine Heigl’s character in 27 Dresses (because I am like her in many ways), was up for the challenge or so I thought… 

Another challenge I faced was my resolve to wear my hair natural for each event. I officially went natural in October 2011. It is very important for me to continually embrace the New Me and my New Hair (I call my hair LeLola). To me this meant I had to do my best to convince these Brides-to-be, my family and myself that I could pull off three different wedding-worthy looks with my hair in its kinky state.

Round 1:

My best friend really likes my natural hair but would she allow me to wear it out for her wedding? Thankfully, she decided that her bridesmaid did not have to wear the same hairstyle. I spent hours and hours online looking for inspiration. I was more than a little apprehensive because I felt my hair was not long enough to accomplish any of the styles I liked. That is when my other best friend (who also has natural hair) swooped in and saved the day. Copying a hairstyle she had found on YouTube, she was able to give me this elegant look: one side of my hair is flat-twisted going up, the other side flat twist-out with a white flower pinned on the side (on blow dryer stretched hair).

Round 2:

So next was my Granddaddy’s wedding. I wasn’t losing a grandfather, I was gaining a grandmom. Even though because she is closer to my parents’ age, she prefers I call her Tia (she is from Costa Rica). A couple weeks before their wedding, I decided I needed a change. I dyed LeLola an auburn red; well actually my best friend did. For this wedding, I was wearing a sassy short red dress; so I went for a Mediterranean look. Thank goodness my mom was willing to two-strand twist my hair (because for me it literally takes hours!). Final Product: A chunky twist-out on red hair, pinned up in back, red flower in the front.

Round 3:

Ok, so lightening had struck the same place twice but could I pull it off a third time?

 My first two hairstyles the Brides and everyone else loved; including my grandmother “Nanny” (which is difficult to accomplish ~ she is old-school). Also the first two weddings, I was able to improvise with hair accessories. So when I was asked for us girls to all wear the same headband, I must say I panicked a little. When I was transitioning, I was the “Headband Queen” but my natural hair had come in much thicker. Now, all I could really manage was an afro puff. No offensive but that was not exactly the look I wanted for this wedding. I traded the afro puff in for a more playful, feminine, enchanted look. I once again stretched my hair by blow drying it. This time I twisted my hair myself and then my best friend (and personal stylist as this point) assisted with the rest. It is true two heads are better than one.

And lightning struck a third time with a pompadour with a fall inspired headband in front.  On the sides, I had flat twists and in the back, twist-out on reddish hair…wink, wink.

I had won the challenge with lots of help and inspiration from my family, friends and Hair Idols online.

So, when your Bestie gets an engagement ring on it and asks you to take part in her special day, don’t automatically assume you have to straighten your lovely curls. Here are some tips I would like to share from my experiences:

1.)    Listening is Essential: First, listen carefully to the Bride’s vision for “her” wedding day. This includes what she wants her girls to look like.

2.)    Do Your Research: Taking the information you have gotten from the Bride, research styles and different techniques online. Try your favorite blogs (ex. CurlyNikki.com), YouTube and even Google picture searches. Keep in mind your hair texture and length and look for styles that are realistic.

3.)    Speak Up: Take a moment, when the Bride-to-be is unflustered (you may have to take them out to dinner or do a spa day), to tactfully explain that you would like to wear your hair curly/kinky for the wedding and why.

4.)    A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words: Instead of unnecessarily giving long and complicated explains of different styles and how they are accomplished (like the Bride doesn’t have enough information in her brain as it is), show the Bride-to-Be pictures of possible styles you have found. You could even mix and match these pictures (ex. “I think if I did something in the front like this picture but have the back more like this one…”).

5.)    Get Her Input: Let her know she is welcome to make suggestions and even do some research of her own if she would like. This gives them a chance to feel like they are a part of the decision-making process.

6.)    More Show, Less Tell: Some Brides may say “No” to a natural hair bridesmaid’s request because they are afraid the hairstyle wouldn’t be special enough or won’t be tamed enough. Lay those fears to rest by doing a test-run.

7.)    Compromise, Compromise, Compromise: Be willing to try something different, use a pre-determined hair accessory (or add some weave) or even get your hair done professionally.

8.)    Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help: Ok, you and the Bride have agreed on a hairstyle but you have no idea how to make it into a reality. Ask questions on forums, study YouTube videos, ask your natural hair friends for assistance or schedule an appointment at a natural hair salon if necessary. The Bride is giving you a chance to prove natural hair can be fabulous and as well as elegant -don’t ruin it.

9.)    The No’s Have It: In the end, it is the Bride’s (and the Groom’s) special day. If you and she are not able to come to the agreement that allows you to wear your hair in its natural state, it is best to follow her wishes as much as possible. And when it is your turn, I am sure she will return the favor.